A Locking Door Gets Nearer

Friday after substantial effort the tramite to secure a guarantee on the apartment finally reached the point where papers will be signed today… provided the property owner shows up. Right now Uruguay is winning the game at halftime 2-0 against Russia. I give it 66-34 odds he shows up.

The Most Patriotic I Have Ever Seen The Uruguayos

Today Uruguay won their first game of this World Cup, a 0-1 victory over Egypt which until nearly the end of the game looked like it could have ended a 0-0 draw as is typical of their beloved sport. With Egypt out of the way Uruguay should put up a double digit score again Saudi Arabia, win against Russia by at least one goal, and enter elimination play well positioned to make a deep run with the semi finals being a more likely outcome than a first round elimination. And…

Las Hinchas Piden Cuarto!

Incapable of ambition the population of this country has settled on THE QUARTER FINALS as their goal! Not win it all… not like they haven't done that twice already in 1930 and 1950. Out of the field of 32 making it to the last 8 is enough for your standardized Hincha Uruguaya. The 25th percentile is should be good enough for anyone, shouldn't it?

How I Have Been Evaluating Securability Of Various Properties

My self, my things, for the past 6 months minus one day have been largely secured through either attachment to my person or through being in spaces where the attendant locals perform certain social functions. Occasionally certain high value items get locked up. This has involved near constant contact with latino/as and separation from the abjectly idle.1 As far as crime here goes violence against persons outside of intimate relationships and the narcotics trade is rare. Simple bag snatchings, rapiñas as the locals call them are a frequent occurrence afflicting the Latinas. Burglary of unoccupied residences and commercial properties is also common, and this is the major risk factor I see requiring mitigation.

Uruguay is a poor country with a population that skews elderly. By headcount this means a substantial portion of the population is idle and hungry opportunists of the least effort variety. Many households contain three generations living together in close quarters, and this means:

  1. They are poor targets for the least effort opportunists as someone, even if it is just a zombie, is always home
  2. Younger generations get earfulls of information on all the the neighbors relayed by undead zombies that just won't do the right thing and quit trying to live.

The classic mitigation to this threat appears to be getting a dog or crewing the safehouse so someone is there around the clock. Residential construction commonly features barred windows, and substantial feeling gates, but they are fans here of a large type of brass key on exterior gates that looks fairly circumventable.

The other mitigation is distance and psychological barriers. Early in the search the barrio Villa Dolores seemed like a solid option based on its map location. I'd walked its southern edge countless times on my way to the city center. Walking deeper into the barrio revealed signs substantial and fairly permanent bum encampments inside the once municipal zoo now occupied by lower animals. The construction style there favors front doors opening directly to the street,2 and there goes the neighborhood.

The other big hazard is environmental. It rains here, and roofs tend to be nominally flat. The use of any possible roof space as terrazas and laundry means foot traffic. Foot traffic means puddles. Puddles eventually become leaks. And the locals complain about these leaks the way folks back home complain about ice storms.3 The remedy here also seems to always involve pulling up the roof carpet, and putting down another coat of roof sealant paint while they repaint the interior ceiling to cover the mildew.4

Back home when a roof leaks, there is an issue for the property owner to resolve. Here, where it isn't uncommon for every unit to have a seperate owner… There are several systems for handling this. In one system common in towers and newer construction "common costs" are collected seperately from rent and used for business maintenance and upkeep.

In the other system the structural defect is either an honored part of the building's historic character or the tenant faces "Fuck you, it started leaking with you!" This renders a number of property types a source of liability. If not in the strict financial sense, in the sense that decades of prior neglect turns the lease into a collision course for confrontation with idiots in a system build to coddle their idiocy and adjudicated by similar idiots.

These considerations and the favorable rental market conditions resulting from the overbuilding of residential towers near the datacenter are leading me to the current course. Comments, critiques, and insight welcome.

  1. I mean bums and the undead.  

  2. Along with flimsy ports allowing access to and from the roof.  

  3. By this I mean the complaint is seasonal, and the subject of the complaint is treated as inevitable.  

  4. At no point do they inspect the roof deck or structural members.  

Draft Pizarro ISP "Good Neighbor Policy" Rewrite

Here is a non-exhaustive list of behavior for which Pizarro will kick customers, refuse refunds, and deny recourse:

  • Monkeying with the LAN (including but not limited to binding to IPs your box was not provisioned with, ARP shenanigans, obvious sniffing)
  • Bandwidth hogging
  • If your intended use of Pizarro services involve activity actively prosecuted by pretend fiat sovereigns, ask if Pizarro is a good fit for your risk profile. We are particularly uninterested in hosting child pornography, the proliferation of which appears to be exclusively conducted by criminal gangs masquerading as law enforcement.
  • Carrying out dubious activity that jeopardizes Pizarro's ability to continue providing internet services1 without first inquiring brings substantial risk of damage to your reputation and ability to participate in commerce at all.

The above are guidelines, non-exhaustive and non-exclusive.

  1. This includes the sending of spam email.  

Draft Pizarro Shared Hosting Ad Copy

*This is an exercise in producing draft ad copy for Pizarro, it is not a live advertisement for hosting services*

Provision Your Website the right way with Pizarro Shared Hosting. Most Providers oversubscribe and oversell their harware, leaving you with no idea where your shit actually is. Our current machines offering shared hosting are:


  • 128 GB ECC RAM
  • 2x 16-core AMD Opteron 6376 (2.3 GHz) (32 Cores)
  • Reserved Space, Just for you on a 1.7 TB RAID 10 Array composed of  Samsung Solid State Drives
  • Apache, MySQL, PHP 5.6
  • Located in safe and politically stable Montevideo, Uruguay outside of NATO or other belligerent states

Plans Available on UY1 Include:

FTP Basic Account

Host your site on Pizarro's server. For [price] BTC per month, you get FTP access to an account with 5 GB in storage.

Hosted Shell Account

Shape your environment. For [price] BTC per month, you get full shell access to the server, and 5 GB of storage.

Hosted Shell Plus

Power and configurability, for [price] BTC per month you get full shell access to the server, and 10 GB of storage.

Account Security And Creation

All interactions with Pizarro are authenticated and secured by Public Key cryptography.

  1. Generate a GPG keypair, the public key will serve as your identity in dealings with Pizarro. We don't require credit cards or other personal information.
  2. Register your public key with Deedbot.
  3. Connect to the #Pizarro channel on the Freenode IRC network
  4. Contact BingoBoingo or ben_vulpes to set up your account. Have an SSH public key ready. Your SSH key will be used for logging into your shell or ftp account on the server.
  5. Your account will go live when payment is confirmed.


Monthly, quarterly, and annual billing are available with all prices, invoices, and payments in Bitcoin.

Need Something More?

If your needs include still more power, storage, or separation, Pizarro offers colocation and dedicated single board servers. Inquire in #Pizarro on Freenode.

Tin Cans Full Of Misery – Riding The Bus In Uruguay

There are many endemic diseases affecting the locals in Uruguay. Taking the bus in Uruguay lacks some of the physical dangers present when James Lafond takes a ride, but there are plenty of moral dangers. There are hordes of the typical open mouthed old ass walking dead comprising 2/3 of the passengers, and you never realize how fat the Uruguayos are as a people until they sit next to you on a bus seat possibly made to asian measurements.

La Ciudad Vieja And Duelling Statues

Today I was in the old city, for some awful reason. I ended up in the barrio early with the camera. Below is the Broze statue of Uruguay's national hero1 placed over his Mausoleum. Below is the Horse's Ass side of the statue. Consider the architecture behind it:

Bronze Horse AssNow the is the Hero's Face side of the Statue. Once again consider the background:

Horse Face

And a bit to the side:


And the background of the face of the National hero is an abolutely ugly mixed residential office building and the bland looking Presidential Palace. All of the historic and interesting buildings on the side of the plaza looking assward.

Also located on the Plaza is the an offensive temple dedicated to fiatist Politically Correct measures.

IBM Uruguay

I however lacked the time and Urgency to investigate if IBM Uruguay was still a going concern.

We have faint investigations of Industrial Activity to investigate.

The lack of Reddit Bags is very disappointing.


The thing about sending intermodal containers to Uruguay is that they only mode they have is arriving on the ship. The commercial trucks here aren't big enough to handle them and the single rail line in the country runs from some shithole in the north of the city to somewhere in the interior.

In the foreground is the type of commercial use vehicle which will be transporting much of that cargo at some point.

Waterfront real estate seized by the local government.

Much better at being a statue than that other guy.

Statue guy's cannon and tiny fort.

And the port keeps on going.

Typical narrow ass old city street.

  1. José Artigas, died in exile in Paraguay. Eventually the Uruguayos claimed his remains.