Draft Pizarro ISP "Good Neighbor Policy" Rewrite

Here is a non-exhaustive list of behavior for which Pizarro will kick customers, refuse refunds, and deny recourse:

  • Monkeying with the LAN (including but not limited to binding to IPs your box was not provisioned with, ARP shenanigans, obvious sniffing)
  • Bandwidth hogging
  • If your intended use of Pizarro services involve activity actively prosecuted by pretend fiat sovereigns, ask if Pizarro is a good fit for your risk profile. We are particularly uninterested in hosting child pornography, the proliferation of which appears to be exclusively conducted by criminal gangs masquerading as law enforcement.
  • Carrying out dubious activity that jeopardizes Pizarro's ability to continue providing internet services1 without first inquiring brings substantial risk of damage to your reputation and ability to participate in commerce at all.

The above are guidelines, non-exhaustive and non-exclusive.

  1. This includes the sending of spam email.  

Draft Pizarro Shared Hosting Ad Copy

*This is an exercise in producing draft ad copy for Pizarro, it is not a live advertisement for hosting services*

Provision Your Website the right way with Pizarro Shared Hosting. Most Providers oversubscribe and oversell their harware, leaving you with no idea where your shit actually is. Our current machines offering shared hosting are:


  • 128 GB ECC RAM
  • 2x 16-core AMD Opteron 6376 (2.3 GHz) (32 Cores)
  • Reserved Space, Just for you on a 1.7 TB RAID 10 Array composed of  Samsung Solid State Drives
  • Apache, MySQL, PHP 5.6
  • Located in safe and politically stable Montevideo, Uruguay outside of NATO or other belligerent states

Plans Available on UY1 Include:

FTP Basic Account

Host your site on Pizarro's server. For [price] BTC per month, you get FTP access to an account with 5 GB in storage.

Hosted Shell Account

Shape your environment. For [price] BTC per month, you get full shell access to the server, and 5 GB of storage.

Hosted Shell Plus

Power and configurability, for [price] BTC per month you get full shell access to the server, and 10 GB of storage.

Account Security And Creation

All interactions with Pizarro are authenticated and secured by Public Key cryptography.

  1. Generate a GPG keypair, the public key will serve as your identity in dealings with Pizarro. We don't require credit cards or other personal information.
  2. Register your public key with Deedbot.
  3. Connect to the #Pizarro channel on the Freenode IRC network
  4. Contact BingoBoingo or ben_vulpes to set up your account. Have an SSH public key ready. Your SSH key will be used for logging into your shell or ftp account on the server.
  5. Your account will go live when payment is confirmed.


Monthly, quarterly, and annual billing are available with all prices, invoices, and payments in Bitcoin.

Need Something More?

If your needs include still more power, storage, or separation, Pizarro offers colocation and dedicated single board servers. Inquire in #Pizarro on Freenode.

Tin Cans Full Of Misery – Riding The Bus In Uruguay

There are many endemic diseases affecting the locals in Uruguay. Taking the bus in Uruguay lacks some of the physical dangers present when James Lafond takes a ride, but there are plenty of moral dangers. There are hordes of the typical open mouthed old ass walking dead comprising 2/3 of the passengers, and you never realize how fat the Uruguayos are as a people until they sit next to you on a bus seat possibly made to asian measurements.

La Ciudad Vieja And Duelling Statues

Today I was in the old city, for some awful reason. I ended up in the barrio early with the camera. Below is the Broze statue of Uruguay's national hero1 placed over his Mausoleum. Below is the Horse's Ass side of the statue. Consider the architecture behind it:

Bronze Horse AssNow the is the Hero's Face side of the Statue. Once again consider the background:

Horse Face

And a bit to the side:


And the background of the face of the National hero is an abolutely ugly mixed residential office building and the bland looking Presidential Palace. All of the historic and interesting buildings on the side of the plaza looking assward.

Also located on the Plaza is the an offensive temple dedicated to fiatist Politically Correct measures.

IBM Uruguay

I however lacked the time and Urgency to investigate if IBM Uruguay was still a going concern.

We have faint investigations of Industrial Activity to investigate.

The lack of Reddit Bags is very disappointing.


The thing about sending intermodal containers to Uruguay is that they only mode they have is arriving on the ship. The commercial trucks here aren't big enough to handle them and the single rail line in the country runs from some shithole in the north of the city to somewhere in the interior.

In the foreground is the type of commercial use vehicle which will be transporting much of that cargo at some point.

Waterfront real estate seized by the local government.

Much better at being a statue than that other guy.

Statue guy's cannon and tiny fort.

And the port keeps on going.

Typical narrow ass old city street.

  1. José Artigas, died in exile in Paraguay. Eventually the Uruguayos claimed his remains.  

It Turns Out Pharmacies In Uruguay Are Actually Rather Civilized Compared To Old Country

Having caught and disposed of a routine upper respiratory viral infection roughly this same time last month within the course of a week, I though I was in for the same story when I felt a little bit of a cold starting Thursday. By Friday acute bronchitis had set in and after getting little sleep because a bunch of non-verbal retards decided to stay at the hostel while attending some sort of conference… my morning today started with a very productive cough, crushing rib pain, and a realization that I am going to have to take some sort of action to avoid dying in South America and letting the filthy Uruguayos win.

Thusly I started the ritual developed wherin I browse the Farmashop website for relevant medicine and found the very promising Trimetoprim/Sulfametoxazol for roughly 1 USD/pill. I prepared my handwritten note with a timeline of symptoms and request for the exact antibiotic I wanted and began the short walk to the pharmacy. I arrive, hand over my note with the note and say "Disculpe, no puedo hablar muy bien Español"1 and magic happens. The clericalish employee gets the attention of the pharmacist, and after confirming the timeline of symptoms and that I had already been taking an antigripal… THE PHARMACIST DISPENSED THE MEDICATION WITH INSTRUCTIONS. He did it on the spot and within the scope of his professional authority.

For all of the Stupid Uruguayo shit I have to put up with everyday, being able to get medicine on the spot in a Pharmacy is a nice improvement over the way old country is retarded on the subject. Where the doctor DOESN'T want to prescribe antibiotics, wants to WAIT days for a culture, or wants to start with some other retarded idea that injects 3 day to 3 months of suffering between being presented with a request to alleviate suffering and actually doing something to alleviate the suffering.

Already breathing is starting to get easier and the impending sense of doom has lifted. I am also wondering why anyone puts up with the UStarded "healthcare" system. Sure Obamacare broke it a bit more, but today I see that it was already profoundly broken. The system already had too many opportunities for other people to take your fried chicken and your time if you tired to get anything at all done.

Thusly starting antibiotic therapy for suspected pneumonia, costs 10 USD and the same number of minutes in Uruguay, while in the US costs to do the same thing range from 200 to 5000 USD with wait times ranging from hours to days.

  1. Extensive a/b testing suggests this particular construction, when used to preface conversations with certain kinds of service workers, tends to maximize my Gringo priviledge.